Friday, December 25, 2009

What Were the Redneck's Last Words?

"Hey, watch this!"
(As told to me by a West Virginian with a thick southern accent.)

You know when you're about to do something that you think might not be such a good idea and it turns out you were right?

That seems to be the way many workshop accidents happen. Too often we hear people say "I knew better than to do that" after they have a mishap at the table saw or band saw or other piece of equipment. Cuts, even severe ones, can happen with handtools as well as power tools. In fact the only times I've been hurt in the shop in all my 18 years of woodworking have been while using chisels and a screwdriver.

Until yesterday.

That's when I was planning to photograph the set-up for the "Merry Christmas" post. The layout was on the floor of my shop and I had to be far enough above it to shoot the entire image. That meant either going out to the garage to get the ladder or standing on a shop stool. Unfortunately, I chose the latter instead of the ladder.

At least I was smart enough to slide a tippy 5-board bench next to the stool to use as a step. So with camera in hand, I started my ascent. As one foot was planted on the low bench and one on the shop stool, I realized the stool needed to be moved further away from its current location in order to be centrally located above the Merry Christmas message. Rather than step down and reposition the stool, I decided to slide it with one foot while I balanced my other foot on the low bench.

Well, here's pretty much what happened:

video

The 5-board bench was crushed, but you can see in the video how happy I was that my camera was not. My only regret is that someone wasn't there to film the debacle. Such hilarity should always be shared with others.*

*Of course I'm only poking fun at myself. Everyone knows that safety's no joke.

61 comments:

Erik said...

:( Merry Christmas?..?!

Stephen Shepherd said...

Glad you and the camera survived and that will be a good lesson in bench repair and another lesson on physics and gravity.

Stephen

Randy said...

I believe the proper quote is "Hold my eggnog and watch this." Glad you are OK. Merry Christmas

Sue said...

Ouch! Glad you're ok. Merry Christmas.

Sue

Darnell said...

I'm one of those jerks who laughs when someone falls, your movie had me in stiches, awesome, awesome, awesome, I loved the animation SO much! I'm going to make one of those every time I have an accident.

BTW, hows your right armpit/ribcage?

Eric Rusch said...

Now THAT is sacrificing yourself for the craft.....
Bravo...I think:)
Merry Christmas.

rgdaniel said...

Maybe no-one was there to film it, but you still managed to turn it into cinematic gold!

I had a shop injury yesterday too. Wrenched my shoulder trying to open the bottle of turner's polish... "push down and turn"... stupid safety caps...

MackTheKnife said...

Preeminent woodworker, film-maker, comedienne, worthy successor to Buster Keaton, Kari, you are a Renaissance Woman! Glad the camera (and YOU)are all right.

Bob

Doug said...

My wife and I are still laughing about your artistic rendition of your accident but mainly are glad that you are okay!

joel said...

I love the animation!!
Glad you are OK!!!

Merry Christmas!!
joel

Jeremiah said...

Glad you're ok. That video is awesome. My kids loved it.

Adrian Baird Ba Than said...

You're a daftie...
All the best from Edinburgh.
xx

Bob Easton said...

Gee, didn't that Newton fella write some silly law about something like equal and opposite reactions?

Happens in the boating world too: http://www.bob-easton.com/blog/?p=743
... and my dearest was there to take pictures so I didn't have to use up my cartoon drawing skills.

Hope you had a gentler landing than the cartoon character. Happy to hear you're OK and laughing about it.

Merry Christmas Kari.

Shannon said...

So glad you are ok, but let's look at this clinically. Notice how it was the wood that failed and not the joinery in your bench. Fine craftswomanship that is! Merry Christmas Kari!

@eloh said...

Glad you are okay, and so creative, in more ways than one...
Merry Christmas... I think you might be feeling this tomorrow.

montanamark said...

On the bright side you get to make a new bench!

Glad you are OK though.

Love the cartoon!!

Sylvia said...

LOL!!! Sorry. I don't mean to laugh at your mishap, but it IS always funny to watch America's Funniest Home Animated Video Mishaps. I REALLY glad you weren't actually hurt.

Vic dpa Sylvia

JERM said...

Poor little absconded bench!! and being from the south, the expression goes "Hey hold my beer and watch this!!"

Joseph Pritchard said...

Kari, so glad you're ok. I think a nice wooden ladder for the shop is in order. Come to think of it I could use one too.

Joseph

Wishing you and Nancy a Merry Christmas!

JimK said...

Glad you were not hurt. I did enjoy your animation though... was the voice over G rated?

Pappy said...

Southern version is "hold my beer and watch this."

The Village Carpenter said...

Thanks for all the comments! And the correction to the joke. ; ) I heard another version of it just recently that had to do with what the majority of people say when they're about to drive into a ditch vs. what rednecks say. haha

The edge of the bench caught me in the ribs, which I think is probably better than the armpit (as the movie indicates. I need to improve my stick figure-drawing skills).

Larry Marshall said...

How do you make an accident one of the funniest things every to grace the pages of a blog? Hand the idea to Kari.

Thanks for making my day, Kari.

Cheers --- Larry

Michael said...

Glad you're ok. I think doing the splits as the benches slid apart would have put me in traction for month. :-)

Woodbloke said...

Kari - nicely done on all fronts...there's usually a lot of water involved in these sort of 'happenings'..boat and jetty come to mind! - Rob

EMBO said...

Ouch! I will admit to having done that, too, although not in the shop or while holding expensive equipment. Hope you didn't pull a groin muscle!

Alan Garner said...

So, are you really okay? Broken ribs? Wrists? Sore? Bruised?
Want to make sure an accident like this doesn't end a fabulous woodworking career!

The Village Carpenter said...

After all that, all I got was a bruised wrist (from saving my camera!).

Anonymous said...

Oy!! So glad you are OK!! Thanks for the Picture. It is most Awesome!! Hope you had a Very Merry Christmas with Nancy. Joyce

Gary Roberts said...

I think "What Was The Rednecks Last Words" would be more apropos. I greatly doubt that your average Redneck would know to use 'were' in the place of 'was', not to mention the use of an apostrophe in 'Redneck's'.

Furthermore, I suspect the last words would be largely unprintable on a public blog. I, of course, hail originally from New York City, where we are known for using the King's English in all personal communications, particularly of displeasure or to proclaim a point of information.

Gary

Dyami said...

Kari,
I know I'm a bit late to the post, but first, I'm glad to hear you're ok. Second, that's a great little video you made. Is that what you do as your day job?

Charles Davis said...

I don't know how I missed this post. Glad your not too damaged (speaking to your physical state of course).

I did notice one thing in the reenactment that has me concerned about your health. You're looking rather thin... actually, sickly thin. Please eat something.

Funny vid! Again, glad you're ok...
Charles

The Village Carpenter said...

Gary, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think the appropriate answer to the question, if you're from NY City, is "Yo! Watch this!"

Dyami, I goof around a lot more than that at my day job, so no. ; )

Charles, if I had drawn a more realistic image of my post-holiday self, I would have needed a bigger sheet of paper. haha

A.J. Hamler said...

After looking at the photo of the destroyed stool, I'm wondering: What role did holiday turkey, cookies, cake, pies, candy canes, brownies and pudding have in this mishap?

I never attempt to climb up on anything until at least a month after the holiday food season.

A.J.

Mr Bill said...

Kari,
I got smacked for laughing so hard at your misfortune, Glad your ok, so what if anything printable did your partner have to say. I usually get a real ear full when I say "Hey! Watch this ya'll!"
Bill

The Village Carpenter said...

A.J., somehow that excuse sounds better than the real reason for the mishap--pure stupidity.

Bill, I'm glad you laughed--I did, too! My partner was not home when it happened and I didn't tell her 'til the end of the day because I knew I'd be scolded for doing something potentially dangerous. Like the time I installed the cupola on the roof of my shop. She was a basket case. sheesh!

Mark Hochstein said...

Two things:
1) I'm really glad that you're ok.

2) You REALLY crack me up! I love that you would take the time to put together a hilarious little animation of the events. Hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Redneck is a racist term.

West Virginia is not in the South. The teller of that joke probably spoke in the West Virginia dialect.

But other than your total lack of tolerance of those who are not like you, I am glad you are alright.

The Village Carpenter said...

Well, Anon, I assure you that no offense was intended. I can only tell you that I'm not the least bit racist (and btw, "redneck" may be considered a derogatory, bigoted, or descriptive term, but it's not racist), nor am I intolerant of people who are different than I am. My partner's brother, who flies a Confederate flag, lives in WV, and is a self-proclaimed "redneck" told me that joke. "Yankees" use the term "southern" as a descriptive term, not just in reference to a geographical area. And I'll add that the West Virginian I live with loves this joke.

Presbyfruit said...

Anonymous, why do I have a sneaky suspicion that you actually know my brother?

Anonymous said...

Won't argue semantics - but the term redneck is only applied to white people.

As for your friends or family who "love" the joke, well, that's nice. But it is still offensive. And it is rooted in hatred.

Please try to be a bit more respectful to those you look down upon. Or try to adjust your perspective towards your fellow human beings.

The Village Carpenter said...

Anon, Peace. :o)

Bill Stankus said...

The word "Anonymous" certainly makes being critical easier and safer ... sort of like hiding behind a tree at night and tossing stones at passing cars.

家具職人 said...

Nice answer, Bill.

Kari, as I already told you via Twitter, absurdity is too common nowadays. II guess that, if you are a public figure, suffering its effects comes with the territory.

If the "Anonymous" commenter had taken the time to know a little something about the woman behind the blog he would know better than to make such ludicrous accusations. Let him get over it and please keep educating/entertaining/amusing us. Your work makes our lives better and if he doesn't like it... well, the internet is really vast and nobody said it was compulsory to frequent your blog, ain't it? (Oops! Ain't "ain't" a redneck term?) ;o)

(On the other hand, this has proven that Nancy does read your blog).

Anonymous said...

I am old enough to remember when Brown vs. The Board of Education integrated our schools. That was a step in the right direction.

Continuing to express racial hatred while hiding behind the mask of liberalism is a step backwards. Hatred is hatred, regardless of the target.

You cannot educate if you refuse to learn and grow. A little bit of compassion for others will go a long way. If you care to see this as "rock throwing", then so be it. All I am pointing out is the hypocrisy of using derogatory language towards those who are different than you, while hiding behind victim status.

And, for those who think West Virginia is southern, please read more history. It has never been and will never be part of the south.

The Village Carpenter said...

Anon, I think you're picking a fight where there is none to be had. And you're right--West Virginia is a northern state. But don't tell that to my partner's brother. ; )

Now let's move along people. Nothing to see here...

Shazza said...

Kari - you are freakin' brilliant, and also hilarious. I am glad you can entertain us with your pain - because it is funny. I'm also very glad you didn't get seriously hurt.

I thought WV was below the Mason Dixon line? No?

Happy New Year and Peace to all!

Anonymous said...

Fine, but next time you are tempted to use the term redneck, replace that word with another racial epithet. Or a slur based on religion or sexual orientation. Those are not funny, neither is the stereotyping of white men.

You may say that there is nothing to see here, but there is. You are wrong about this and will continue to be until you expunge your thinking of your willingness to group people together in an effort to ridicule them. It is ugly, no matter who does it.

Erik said...

I have been considering this comment for some time and have restrained from posting, hoping that the topic would die. However, I think Anon has posted just one too many accusatory comments on your blog. And I feel then need to comment.

FIRST
My family (on both sides) is from West Virginia and it is and always will be THE SOUTH. Now I can understand that some folks could be confused as to this fact. And it really depends on what criteria you use to determine “southern-ness.” If you are speaking purely geographically, then the south is anywhere south of you. Heck, when I lived in Maine, when my buddy went “down south” he meant Boston and the Deep South was Connecticut.

If your determinant is the Mason-Dixon Line (whose original purpose was to settle a land dispute between William Penn (founder of Pennsylvania) and Charles Calvert (proprietor of Maryland) and only became associated with a separation between North and South with the Missouri Compromise of 1820) then WV is mostly southern (Google maps will help if you are having trouble visualizing.)

If you only consider those states that seceded from the Union, then WV is NOT the south. WV did not gain statehood till 1863 and was the only state to secede from a Confederate State.

If your only consideration is whether or not slavery was legal in the state in the early 19th century (which I WOULD take offense if your only determinant was this, to indicate North or South) then WV is NOT southern, as a condition of being admitted to the Union was to prohibit slavery. (Some great information about the story of WV becoming a state can be found here (http://www.wvculture.org/history/statehoo.html))

If southern-ness is a state-of-mind (as I believe it is) then you can be from or in the South no matter where you are geographically speaking. I maintain that West Virginia is THE SOUTH due to the state-of-mind of the majority of its residents. Ask a West Virginian and most will tell you they live in the SOUTH.

Erik said...

Continued due to character per post limit...

SECOND
The term Redneck… Practically any term that defines a group of people can be made derogatory by intolerant people. The term redneck is not derogatory by design. While no one can be sure when and where it originated, the front runners are: Scottish Covenanters who rejected episcopacy and wore red neck cloths as symbols of there belief, and (particularly pertinent for a discussion about WV) when coal miners wore red bandannas around their necks to identify themselves as seeking the opportunity to unionize during the West Virginia Coal Miners March (also known as the Battle of Blair Mountain.) In common usage today it typically indicates a working class rural white Southerner and is generally believed to derive from individuals having a red neck caused by working outdoors in the sunlight over the course of their lifetime. None of these definitions is derogatory (at least in my point of view.)

I AM A REDNECK. I am not an inbred redneck or an ignorant redneck. I am neither a poor redneck nor a bigoted redneck. I am not defined by any of the adjectives that are often attached to the term, when someone wants to use the term to insult. In my family it is a term of endearment. I am proud to be a redneck and take no offense by Kari’s use of the term. I believe that tolerance and political correctness that take away our ability to laugh at the things that make us human potentially stifle the human spirit. I know that one person’s humor is another’s ethnic slur and the line can be so fine as to be practically non-existent. Personally, I think the line is crossed when the party making the statement INTENDS to degrade OR the party named FEELS degraded. As far as I am concerned, if you are not a Redneck (and I assume that your anonymous commenter would not feel they fall under this category) then you have no business “defending” those of us that are.

I may be WAAAAY off base, and I may be flamed for my comments, but I thought you could use a comment from the Redneck side that didn’t come from a part of your family.

I hope that we can let this fine young lady get back to what she does best (at least according to what is posted here) and start offering her thoughts about some fantastic woodworking.

Peace and Love and Happy New Year.

And BTW, Kari, if you decide not to post this, I won’t feel slighted in any way. :)

The Village Carpenter said...

Thanks for the thoughtful comments, Erik. :o)
Indeed, let's get back to what we love: woodworking!
May we all have many hours shop time in the new year.

Victor said...

So, are you gonna fix that stool or build another?

Kenneth said...

I grew up in Tennessee, so I'm allowed to think this is funny. Great post, love the animation.

I heard a variation of the joke to the effect that the last words were "hey, look what I can do..." The second punchline involves the last thing he heard, which was his friend saying: "You're doin' it! You're doin' it!"

Glad you're ok!

The Village Carpenter said...

Victor, I did fix it. Just had to cut a new board for the smashed leg and reinforced the other leg. Presto!

Thanks Kenneth. :o)

Bill Stankus said...

Kari, I've actually been to WVA - many times - maybe as many as 20-30 times. You see, my parents were born there and most of my dad's family were coal miners.

Going against stereotypes - my relatives were literate, supported unions, voted in elections, took baths, used plates, forks, knives & spoons. They even had tables. Their dogs (if they had any) remained outside. Their cars were modern. Some joined the military & fought in wars. A few even died for this Country.

They did have one "strange" habit - they talked with a slight twang. I noticed this because I grew-up in the West where we didn't say "You-enses" or "Crick" (creek). I also had a better suntan than they did.

On, and one cousin worked in a lumber yard ... he also had been a football player for the University of WVA. They won a bowl game his senior year.

Anonymous said...

First, unless one posts here using their full name, then they cannot knock anyone who uses the anonymous tag.

My family arrived in South Carolina in 1664. I have lived all over the country, and traveled all over the world. One thing I learned is that people everywhere hate someone. That doesn't make it right, and I don't think it is right to use slurs to belittle people. Pay attention to your thoughts and speech - words have meaning.

For whatever reason, even, or maybe especially progressives, think it is okay to mock rednecks. It is not.

As for flying the Stars and Bars - well, that's about as bigoted and hateful a symbol as a swastika. It is a relic of my great-grandfather's war, and I eschew its use. Put yourself in the place of the descendant of slaves and it is easy to see just how offensive it is.

But I suspect that hate will continue to be spewed here under the banner of "humor". Just because Jeff Foxworthy can use a word does not mean you can. I do not imitate Mr. Foxworthy any more than I would repeat racist humor from black comedians.

If nothing else, learn that comedy is best left to professionals.

Anonymous said...

I rarely post replies; especially to those as angry and offbase as the "Anonymous poster" because it only throws fuel to the fire, but I just can't help myself this time.

I just wish you knew Kari like some of us do. It's rare that you will meet someone so willing to help EVERYONE. I don't think there is a bit of hate in her or her comments. We all have our faults, especially me, but I don't think you could be further from the truth on this one.

I hope that you can find some peace someday and get over this, maybe in a new handplane or a spokeshave, or something else in the shop that brings you the woodchip therapy we all enjoy. Stick with the Blog for a while and I think you may agree in time.

Sorry if this guy upset you, I just hope we can get back to the woodworking. Keep the chisels sharp and the shavings a'plenty!

Having said that.......I still like to post....That was funnier than a terd in the punchbowl !!!

Dave B.

Nancy said...

Dave, I totally disagree with you there. I don't think a turd in the punchbowl is the least bit funny. Especially if it's my punchbowl.

The Village Carpenter said...

I think it's hilarious!
Oh, and Dave....I love you. :o)

George said...

I made a "Lazy Susan"(rotating server) for a Christmas present. I wondered if anyone objected to this name. It actually appeared in a Vanity Fair article at the turn of the century. Was this some gender reference to the work ethic of females? Was it a "smack down" of some Susan? I wonder if they received posts from The People For Fair Treatment and Tolerance for Susan, or PFFTS as they are known. Out of all the names, Susan got to mean Lazy. Seems a bit insensitive to the plight of Susans through the ages. I am sure that somewhere someone is cursing the God that made them for their name. I call them Lazy Susans anyway.
George Beck

The Village Carpenter said...

George--well done, sir!