Tuesday, November 17, 2009

VC's Top Ten Tips for Wives of Woodworkers

1. Sitting in the shop and staring at a pile of lumber counts as woodworking.
2. When your spouse says, "Don't buy that armoire—I can build one for you," just smile and say "Great!" Then go back to the store in a month and buy it. Because he's either forgotten all about it or has been feeling guilty for not having started the project, and you will be letting him off the hook.
3. Sometimes your husband will buy wood just because it's pretty and he has no idea what he plans to do with it.
4. Expect a Sammy Sadface when you hand him a Honey-Do list.
5. Yes, he does need 5 routers. And 6 marking gauges.
6. Heaping mounds of partially- or un-read woodworking magazines are a fact of life.
7. Never ever EVER remove anything from the shop unless under close supervision. No, not even a screwdriver.
8. It takes exactly 3 weeks to make a small trinket box.
9. Plan a shopping trip, go for a walk, meet friends for coffee—just get somewhere safe—if he's getting ready to glue up a project.
10. What might look like a junky old tool at a flea market is really a monumental find and source of joy for him. Harness that happiness. Now's a good time to ask him to take you to dinner.

31 comments:

Torch02 said...

If this is in response to my comment over at Andrew's blog, I thank you. If not, it is quite serendipitous!

The Village Carpenter said...

It is indeed! You inspired this blog post. ; )

Deuce868 said...

All kinds of awesome. Just sent it to my wife.

I think we need a future version though that has things like:

11) Yes, finishing in a cold garage is bad. He *needs* the kitchen table for this.
12) Hand planes look similar, but are very different. He'll always need another one.
12) Shop projects are very important and required in order to complete in-house projects.

Tom Fidgen said...

This is going on my fridge !
thanks... :)

Michael said...

Number 7 is very important.

I'm getting ready to hang my kitchen cabinetry. My mom insisted on coming over and being "helpful". In the utmost of clearest terms, I told her to take any tools in the kitchen and dinning and take them to the basement, and place them on the floor in front of the shelves of tool.

After her being gone "a little to long", I went down to the basement to find tools that had been organized by use, electrical, plumbing, masonry, etc, had been reorganized by, pointy, flat, light vs heavy, shiny, etc.

The horror.

George Beck said...

I am going to carve this on some wood. Lets see I am going to need a CNC router, some software......
Honey! Where's the Master Card?

JimK said...

I'm sure there should be something in your list about how long it takes wood to properly "acclimate". Decades I'm sure. Now if I could just get a well seasoned plank off of Noah's ark....

JimK

TheWoodWhisperer said...

Forwarding to Nicole as we speak. lol Great list!

fitz said...

And if I _had_ a husband, I'd be telling him to get out of my shop and go back to vacuuming the house ;-)
(this, of course, explains why I have cats...)

Christopher said...

Oh yes. I am totally showing this to the wife. Except for the part about going back to buy it in a month. :P

Jonathan said...

Great list. I am forwarding this to my wife as we speak. :-)

Melyssa said...

as a woodworking wife I can indeed attest to each of these. :)

EMBO said...

Or, the wife could just become a woodworker...if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! ;)

The Village Carpenter said...

Deuce, I especially like your #11. hee hee

Tom, perfect place for it!

Michael, I actually gasped and said "oh no" when I read your comment.

George, that's the spirit!

JimK, that's a handy excuse that I'll keep on hand to explain why it's taken me 4 years to build a hanging cupboard. :o)

Marc, I'm sure Nicole can add to the list. ; )

Megan, LOL!

Christopher, feel free to download and edit as you see fit.

Jonathan, I hope she enjoyes it. :o)

Melyssa, Awesome. You could probably add a few to the list, too. ; )

Emily, that's a great solution!

Margo said...

When he responds to your question concerning the cost of a new tool he wants to buy by saying, "Its UNDER $400," you should understand that to mean that he's getting a really good deal. He'd be losing money if he walked away without buying it.

Wulfgar said...

LOL! I just twittered this. Hilarious, but all true!

Anonymous said...

Oh my God. This is the greatest list. It almost makes me wish I still had a wife to show it to . . . Never mind.

adp said...

Okay, now the true test is if a printed copy of this post has found it's way to a place of import in your home Kari ;)

Abi

Anthony said...

My wife just read this and asked if #11 should be, "Reading woodworking blogs also counts as woodworking". Great list.

Gye Greene said...

3b. This also includes free wood, salvaged/scavenged from construction dumpsters, pallets, neighbors cleaning out their garage...

JPN said...

Hey Thanks for the comment the other week. Great stuff on your blog. Check out my latest post. Feedback is always welcome!
Thanks

JPN

jpnworkshop.blogspot.com

Woodbloke said...

Kari - great list, but you forgot to add something about expecting 'the silence' or 'the look' if too much time is spent in the 'shop. The 'Honey Do'is a good one...not heard much on this side of the pond - Rob

Doug said...

I think my wife has learned all of these pretty quickly; especially number ten. I would suggest an amendment to number eight: "Completion times for all other projects is proportional to the size of the project."
Also, a humble addition to the list. "Just because he calls it the 'scrap pile' that doesn't mean you can throw it away."

Dorita said...
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Dorita said...

My husband sent this list to me. You really hit the nail on the head---especially #9!

Mr Bill said...

Be careful what you ask for as each new project requires a new tool.

Peter said...

Excellent! I'm almost too scared to show this to my wife...

Deuce's number 12 (13) hits the nail right on the head!

Doug, I would propose that the size of the project is INdirectly proportional to the completion time. I have knocked out a TV cabinet faster than a trinket box :-)

Anonymous said...

My Wife loves this... She is very kind to me. My apartment is quite small. in fact it is So small that my shop is in the bedroom....our bedroom. Thank God for swmbo and handtools !!!!

Anonymous said...

My husband just showed me this. #1,4,6 and 8 are especially true. I hear the #2 all the time, too. I love him though.

Steve Branam said...

This is a scream! I was at pains to tell my wife that it was written by a female woodworker when I showed her.

Her corollary to #10: He replies, "Love to, but we can't afford it!"

sheela said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.