2. When your spouse says, "Don't buy that armoire—I can build one for you," just smile and say "Great!" Then go back to the store in a month and buy it. Because he's either forgotten all about it or has been feeling guilty for not having started the project, and you will be letting him off the hook.
3. Sometimes your husband will buy wood just because it's pretty and he has no idea what he plans to do with it.
4. Expect a Sammy Sadface when you hand him a Honey-Do list.
5. Yes, he does need 5 routers. And 6 marking gauges.
6. Heaping mounds of partially- or un-read woodworking magazines are a fact of life.
7. Never ever EVER remove anything from the shop unless under close supervision. No, not even a screwdriver.
8. It takes exactly 3 weeks to make a small trinket box.
9. Plan a shopping trip, go for a walk, meet friends for coffee—just get somewhere safe—if he's getting ready to glue up a project.
10. What might look like a junky old tool at a flea market is really a monumental find and source of joy for him. Harness that happiness. Now's a good time to ask him to take you to dinner.
If this is in response to my comment over at Andrew's blog, I thank you. If not, it is quite serendipitous!
ReplyDeleteIt is indeed! You inspired this blog post. ; )
ReplyDeleteAll kinds of awesome. Just sent it to my wife.
ReplyDeleteI think we need a future version though that has things like:
11) Yes, finishing in a cold garage is bad. He *needs* the kitchen table for this.
12) Hand planes look similar, but are very different. He'll always need another one.
12) Shop projects are very important and required in order to complete in-house projects.
This is going on my fridge !
ReplyDeletethanks... :)
Number 7 is very important.
ReplyDeleteI'm getting ready to hang my kitchen cabinetry. My mom insisted on coming over and being "helpful". In the utmost of clearest terms, I told her to take any tools in the kitchen and dinning and take them to the basement, and place them on the floor in front of the shelves of tool.
After her being gone "a little to long", I went down to the basement to find tools that had been organized by use, electrical, plumbing, masonry, etc, had been reorganized by, pointy, flat, light vs heavy, shiny, etc.
The horror.
I am going to carve this on some wood. Lets see I am going to need a CNC router, some software......
ReplyDeleteHoney! Where's the Master Card?
I'm sure there should be something in your list about how long it takes wood to properly "acclimate". Decades I'm sure. Now if I could just get a well seasoned plank off of Noah's ark....
ReplyDeleteJimK
Forwarding to Nicole as we speak. lol Great list!
ReplyDeleteAnd if I _had_ a husband, I'd be telling him to get out of my shop and go back to vacuuming the house ;-)
ReplyDelete(this, of course, explains why I have cats...)
Oh yes. I am totally showing this to the wife. Except for the part about going back to buy it in a month. :P
ReplyDeleteGreat list. I am forwarding this to my wife as we speak. :-)
ReplyDeleteas a woodworking wife I can indeed attest to each of these. :)
ReplyDeleteOr, the wife could just become a woodworker...if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! ;)
ReplyDeleteDeuce, I especially like your #11. hee hee
ReplyDeleteTom, perfect place for it!
Michael, I actually gasped and said "oh no" when I read your comment.
George, that's the spirit!
JimK, that's a handy excuse that I'll keep on hand to explain why it's taken me 4 years to build a hanging cupboard. :o)
Marc, I'm sure Nicole can add to the list. ; )
Megan, LOL!
Christopher, feel free to download and edit as you see fit.
Jonathan, I hope she enjoyes it. :o)
Melyssa, Awesome. You could probably add a few to the list, too. ; )
Emily, that's a great solution!
When he responds to your question concerning the cost of a new tool he wants to buy by saying, "Its UNDER $400," you should understand that to mean that he's getting a really good deal. He'd be losing money if he walked away without buying it.
ReplyDeleteLOL! I just twittered this. Hilarious, but all true!
ReplyDeleteOh my God. This is the greatest list. It almost makes me wish I still had a wife to show it to . . . Never mind.
ReplyDeleteOkay, now the true test is if a printed copy of this post has found it's way to a place of import in your home Kari ;)
ReplyDeleteAbi
My wife just read this and asked if #11 should be, "Reading woodworking blogs also counts as woodworking". Great list.
ReplyDelete3b. This also includes free wood, salvaged/scavenged from construction dumpsters, pallets, neighbors cleaning out their garage...
ReplyDeleteHey Thanks for the comment the other week. Great stuff on your blog. Check out my latest post. Feedback is always welcome!
ReplyDeleteThanks
JPN
jpnworkshop.blogspot.com
Kari - great list, but you forgot to add something about expecting 'the silence' or 'the look' if too much time is spent in the 'shop. The 'Honey Do'is a good one...not heard much on this side of the pond - Rob
ReplyDeleteI think my wife has learned all of these pretty quickly; especially number ten. I would suggest an amendment to number eight: "Completion times for all other projects is proportional to the size of the project."
ReplyDeleteAlso, a humble addition to the list. "Just because he calls it the 'scrap pile' that doesn't mean you can throw it away."
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ReplyDeleteMy husband sent this list to me. You really hit the nail on the head---especially #9!
ReplyDeleteBe careful what you ask for as each new project requires a new tool.
ReplyDeleteExcellent! I'm almost too scared to show this to my wife...
ReplyDeleteDeuce's number 12 (13) hits the nail right on the head!
Doug, I would propose that the size of the project is INdirectly proportional to the completion time. I have knocked out a TV cabinet faster than a trinket box :-)
My Wife loves this... She is very kind to me. My apartment is quite small. in fact it is So small that my shop is in the bedroom....our bedroom. Thank God for swmbo and handtools !!!!
ReplyDeleteMy husband just showed me this. #1,4,6 and 8 are especially true. I hear the #2 all the time, too. I love him though.
ReplyDeleteThis is a scream! I was at pains to tell my wife that it was written by a female woodworker when I showed her.
ReplyDeleteHer corollary to #10: He replies, "Love to, but we can't afford it!"
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ReplyDelete